It’s often difficult for writers to “dream big” or set lofty goals because they’re constantly being told — and shown — that publishing is a difficult journey and writing is a career in which huge success is a long shot.

This is the advice I regularly give to writers: I encourage them to follow their dreams and to keep persistently pursuing them, while also advising they keep their expectations in check and be realistic about their possibilities.

It’s quite a contradiction, isn’t it?

I strongly believe all of us should pursue our dreams, and not be afraid of dreaming BIG. Yet, as an agent, I’ve been on the downwind side of writers being disappointed that their dreams aren’t coming true in the way or the timing they’d hoped, and I’ve experienced their anger or resentment or despair — or their blame. So it makes sense that, from a business perspective, I’d also want to remind people to be realistic.

But I’m thinking now that maybe “realism” isn’t the answer, and maybe “manage your expectations” isn’t the right advice. Maybe what I’ve really meant to tell writers is this:

Dream BIG, and pursue your dreams persistently — and be diligent in guarding yourself against anger, resentment, despair and blame when things aren’t going your way.

Don’t let the difficulty of the path convince you that you shouldn’t have BIG dreams and BIG expectations. But also, don’t let the difficulty turn you into a bitter person.

Instead, let difficulty make you ever stronger; let it guide you in adjusting your dreams as needed; let it spur you toward the path that will result in your success, no matter how close or far it is from your original dream.

I’m finished saying “manage your expectations.” Now I think a better approach is this:

Keep your expectations high, but manage your response to adversity.

The post Big Dreams and Realistic Expectations appeared first on Rachelle Gardner.

Tweetables

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“I didn’t sign up for this.” Accepting the realities of being a writer today. Click to Tweet.

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What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

It’s a good question, meant to inspire us to dream beyond our boundaries, to “think big,” to pursue our goals. But I think we tend to hear it and then brush it off, not really spending time with it.

Maybe we think we’re not afraid of much. Or the opposite — thinking about our fears overwhelms us. Maybe we don’t have time for such silly exercises.

I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the point of the question. And I found myself getting defensive, if only in my mind. I’m doing the best I can. Why must I feel bad for not doing MORE?

But then I decided to honestly consider the question. What would I do if I weren’t afraid?

Maybe I would speak up more honestly on my blog… if I weren’t afraid of how I’d be perceived.

Maybe I would take a week at a spa all by myself…if I weren’t afraid of upsetting my family and falling behind on client work.

Maybe I would write my memoir… if I weren’t afraid of how much work it would be and the time it would take.

Maybe I would stop all social media—no blogging, Twitter, Facebook, anything… if I weren’t afraid of the results of being invisible.

By going through this process, I realized the point of the question is to discover our hidden lurking goals, dreams and desires—the ones that are down so deep, we might not even realize they are there. And in this discovery, we might find a way to begin pursuing those desires in a way that circumvents the fears.

I doubt I’ll take a spa week by myself. But simply allowing that desire to surface showed me that perhaps I am weary and have a deep need for rest. Is there a way I can find rest in a non-scary way?

Every time we answer the question, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” we come into contact with important information about ourselves. We can look beneath our answers to find our deepest truths. We can also confront our fears, and assess whether they are worth heeding, or if we should charge ahead right through the fear.

 If you weren’t afraid of rejection, would you be sending out more queries to agents?

 If you weren’t afraid of being vulnerable, would you write your novels more truthfully?

 If you weren’t afraid of technological challenges, would you have self-published that book already?

Tell us:

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

And what can you learn about yourself by answering the question?

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What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Click to Tweet this.

Answer this simple question to come in contact with your deepest truths. Click to Tweet this.

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