Stats… Industry News… and a Q4U


It’s been awhile since I added up any stats. I didn’t do them for October, so here they are, along with November’s numbers.

Total queries received in the two months combined: about 720

Pass letters sent: 358

Request for partials sent: 7

Queries unanswered in my query box: 262

Hard copy queries/proposals sent via US mail, unanswered: 82

New clients: 6

Book deals about to go up on Publishers Marketplace: 4



Next week on the blog, I’ll address the economy and the state of publishing. Today I want to give you a brief overview of things that have been happening in our industry this week, in case you’ve somehow missed it. You can Google any of these items to read more; they’ve been endlessly discussed on the web the last few days. Several things happened mid-week and people started calling it “Black Wednesday,” leading to a few references to “Grayish Thursday” yesterday. So, here’s what’s been happening lately:

→ Thomas Nelson laid off 55 people (after letting go 60 people a few months ago).

→ Simon & Schuster laid off 35 people.

→ Houghton Mifflin Harcourt announced a freeze on acquisitions and confirmed they will be eliminating some positions. The publisher of the trade division resigned.

→ Random House announced a sweeping cost-cutting reorganization and consolidation of their imprints.

→ Penguin announced a freeze on raises.

→ HarperCollins announced a delay of pay increases.

→ Last month, John Sargent, chief executive of Macmillan, said that he could not guarantee that everyone at the company would have a job going forward.

→ Scholastic eliminated approximately 110 positions through early retirement packages as part of a broad cost-cutting program this year.

→ Relevant to those of us connected with Christian publishing… and those of us in the Colorado Springs area: Focus on the Family laid off dozens of people last week, including the entire staff of their two teen magazines, Breakaway and Brio.

→ There was some good news, too. Retail sales on “Black Friday” were better than projected, and book sales were up in November compared to the same time last year.

Next week on the blog we’ll be discussing what this all means. Hint: Yes, times are tough, but books are still being published and consumers are still buying them. So don’t panic!



Tell me a joke! Yep, you heard me. In the midst of all this depressing news, we need to LAUGH. So, everyone leave your joke in the comments. My favorite one will win a prize.

Rachelle Gardner

Literary agent at Gardner Literary. Coffee & wine enthusiast (not at the same time) and dark chocolate connoisseur. I've worked in publishing since 1995 and I love talking about books!


  1. Holly on December 6, 2008 at 9:28 PM

    >Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.

    Hellloooo,………..just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.

    So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

    Helllooooo? It’s been a year! I told him.

    There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

    He never called back.

    I bet he felt like an idiot.

  2. Stephanie Reed on December 6, 2008 at 4:58 PM

    >I saw something like this in Reader’s Digest a while back. 🙂

    An old guy goes to the doctor complaining that he has “silent gas emissions”. He goes on to explain that while playing bridge that morning, he had 6 silent gas emissions. At lunch he had four.

    “As a matter of fact, I’ve had two more just now. Can you help me, Doc?” he pleads.

    The doctor replies, “Yes. The first thing we’re going to do is check your hearing.”

  3. Pam Halter on December 6, 2008 at 3:54 PM

    >What do you say to a one-legged hitch hiker?

    Hop in!

  4. Nicole on December 6, 2008 at 2:41 PM

    >Hysterical, Julie Gillies! ROTFLOL!

  5. Gwen Stewart on December 6, 2008 at 1:51 PM

    >Perfect, Julie! Here’s another one for fellow Michiganders:

    How does a Detroit Lion count to ten?

    0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10

    And not a joke, but a cute one for the season courtesy of one of my first grade students. We sang “Christmas Don’t Be Late” from Alvin and the Chipmunks. I reminded the kids to sing with their first grade voices and not chipmunk voices. While I prepared to play the song, I heard one student whisper to another, “I’m glad we get to use our real voices. I don’t speak Chipmunk!”

  6. Julie Gillies on December 6, 2008 at 10:29 AM

    >A guy in Michigan was recently running errands and left two Detroit Lions tickets on the dashboard of his truck.

    When he returned to the parking lot hours later, his windshield was broken and two more tickets rested on his dashboard.

    **Great idea, Rachelle. Thanks for the laughs!**

  7. Mike Dellosso on December 6, 2008 at 7:34 AM

    >Okay, here’s one:

    A man dies and goes to heaven. When her arrives St. Peter takes him on the grand tour. They walk down a long hallway with many rooms and doors with little windows.

    At the first room, the man looks in and sees a bunch of people sitting around a long table eating and talking and having a good time. He asks, “Who are they?”

    Peter replies, “They are the Lutherans.”

    At the next room, the man peers through the window and sees people waving their hands and laughing and jumping up and down. He asks, “And who are they?”

    “Oh, they’re the charismatics,” Peter says.

    At the next room, Peter reaches the door first and puts his finger to his mouth. Shhhh. The man looks through the window and sees a bunch of people milling around, hands behind their backs, looking very serious. He asks, “Why are we being quiet? Who are they?”

    Peter says, “That’s the Baptists, they think they’re the only ones here.”

  8. NG on December 6, 2008 at 4:07 AM

    >Just saw this and had to jump in:

    I did the funeral of a close Friend the other day.
    It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following
    Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
    community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
    Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack,
    the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.
    Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.
    He was not considered a very smart cookie. A little flaky at times,
    he still was a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
    Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, POP TART!
    The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

  9. Avily Jerome on December 5, 2008 at 11:30 PM

    >As a blonde, I feel the need to redeem myself from those blonde jokes.


    Why did the brunette and the redhead stay at home Friday night telling dumb-blonde jokes?

    Because they didn’t have dates.


    What’s black and blue and brown all over and lying in a ditch?

    A brunette who told one too many blonde jokes.


    How do blondes get pregnant?

    And you call them dumb?!?!?!?


    And my personal favorite:

    So, this blonde is standing on the street corner, jumping off the curb into the street. Every time she jumps, she says “Forty-two.”

    This brunette comes along, and, looking at the blonde like she’s crazy, asks, “What in the world are you doing?”

    The blonde says, “I’m playing this new game, ‘Forty-two.’ Wanna play?”

    “I don’t think so,” says the brunette.

    “Oh come on, it’s fun. Try it!” urges the blonde.

    Finally, the brunette concedes. She jumps into the street and says “Forty-two.”

    Right about that time, BAM!

    The city bus comes along and runs the brunette over.

    The blonde keeps jumping.

  10. Anne L.B. on December 5, 2008 at 9:56 PM

    >Before Rachelle picks a winner, I gotta say that florist friars, hokey pokey, and funeral cookies have provided the biggest laughs for my birthday. I’m pulling for Lisa, Rosslyn and Tracy.

    Thanks to everyone for ALL the laughs. My whole family’s been following the post today.

  11. Anita Mae Draper on December 5, 2008 at 9:48 PM


    Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren’t able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

    She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

    As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

  12. Doug R. on December 5, 2008 at 9:01 PM

    >A man is rescued after 20 years on a desert island. His rescuer is astonished to find that the castaway has built several imposing structures.

    “Wow!” the rescuer says. “What’s that beautiful stone building overlooking the bay?”

    “That is my home,” the castaway says.

    “And what about that building over there, with the spires?”

    “That,” the castaway says, “is my church.”

    “But wait!” the rescuer says. “That building over there, with the bell tower. What is that?”

    “That is the church I used to belong to.”

  13. Tracy on December 5, 2008 at 6:46 PM

    >Ok, here’s my funny for today. Hope it makes you smile!


    A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.

    Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

    There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

    Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made it’s way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. “Stay out of those,” she said, “they’re for the funeral.”

  14. Rachel on December 5, 2008 at 6:40 PM

    >Who won? Who won? What’s the prize? (Can you tell I spend all days with people under the age of 8?)

  15. Nicole on December 5, 2008 at 6:38 PM

    >What do you call seven blondes in a circle?

    A dope ring.

  16. Richard Mabry on December 5, 2008 at 6:20 PM

    >Okay, gotta get in on this.
    A psychiatrist had the habit of ending his day by dropping in at his favorite bar and ordering a daiquiri with an almond floating in it. One day the bartender saw the psychiatrist coming in the door so he started making the drink. As usual, he delved into the can of mixed nuts he kept behind the bar, but there wasn’t an almond to be found. He made a quick decision and slapped the drink down just as the psychiatrist sat down.
    The doctor took one sip, made a wry face, and asked, “What’s this supposed to be?”
    “A hickory daiquiri, Doc.”

  17. L.S.L. on December 5, 2008 at 5:53 PM

    >A bar in a certain town had a die-hard bunch of faithful customers, but was not as fortunate in keeping their bartenders.

    So, every time a new bartender started to work there, a threesome from the die-hard bunch played the same joke on each eager, unsuspecting bartender.

    This night they went to work once again.

    Bartender to Die-hard #1: “Hi, Mac, what’ll it be?”

    D.H. #1: “I’ll have a martini, twist of lemon.”

    Bartender: Gives him the drink and says, “That’ll be $7.50.”

    D.H. #1: “I can see that you’re busy tonight—I just paid you—don’t you remember?”

    Bartender: Looks at the customer with squinty eyes and says, “Just finish up, Mac, and get out of here.”

    Die Hard #1 leaves, and then enters in, Die Hard #2

    Bartender: “What’ll it be, Bub?”

    D.H. #2: “Scotch on the rocks, please”.

    Bartender: Serves him the drink, wipes a few things down and then says, “That’ll be $7.50.”

    D.H. #2: “Man, I don’t know who you think you are—just because you’re new here doesn’t mean you can get away with whatever you want. I paid you right before you served that customer at the end of the counter. Is this what you always do? Unbelievable.”

    Die Hard #2 downs his drink and leaves in a huff.

    A little while later Die Hard #3 comes in and takes a seat at the bar:

    Bartender: “What’ll it be, Speedo?”

    D.H. #3: Looks at him with a quizzical expression and orders a beer.

    Bartender: Slaps a beer down in front of Die Hard #3, grabs a bat from behind the counter, and stands in front of him for a long minute while smacking the bat rhythmically against the palm of his own hand. Finally, he says, “You know, two guys just came in here, ordered drinks and then, when it was time to pay up, said they had already paid me. But I knew they were lying. So, I figure, the next guy who comes in here and says the same thing is going to go down under this bat.”

    D.H. #3: “Listen, man, I don’t really want to hear your problems…just give me my change and let me get out of here!”

  18. Rosslyn Elliott on December 5, 2008 at 5:46 PM

    >I’m stealing this one that I heard at Glorieta. It brought the house down. Imagine it recounted in a very solemn tone:

    With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

    Larry La Prise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey” died peacefully at age 93.

    The most traumatic part for the family was getting him into the coffin.

    They put his left leg in….. and then the trouble started.

  19. Lenore Buth at on December 5, 2008 at 5:30 PM

    >Rachelle, thanks for salting the gloom with hope and encouragement, as you always do.

  20. elaine @ pleace for the journey on December 5, 2008 at 4:37 PM

    >Glad to know that the Bethlehem star still rises, despite the clouds of our temporal. No jokes. Just some peace.

    Keep pressing on, Rachelle. Thank you for your continued willingness to post and to encourage.


  21. Anne L.B. on December 5, 2008 at 2:54 PM

    >This one is for fans of the Bible (or biblical novels).


    A man went from Jericho to Jerusalem and fell among thieves. The thieves threw him into the weeds, and the weeds grew up and choked that man. He then went on and met the Queen of Sheba and she gave that man a thousand talents of gold and silver and a hundred changes of raiment. He then got in his chariot and drove furiously to the Red Sea. When he got arrived he rolled up his mantle and smote the waters, which parted for him.

    He drove to the other side and passed under a large olive tree, where his hair became caught on a limb and he was left hanging there. He hung there many days and many nights and the ravens brought him food to eat and water to drink. One night while he was hanging there asleep Delilah came along and cut off his hair, and he fell on stony ground. The children of a nearby city came out and said, “Go up, thou baldhead, go up!” and the man cursed the children and two bears came out of the woods and entered the ark.

    Then it rained for forty days and forty nights, and the man hid himself in a cave. When the rains ceased he came out and met a beggar and said, “Come and dine with me for I should not fail to sit at the king’s table.” But the beggar replied, “I cannot come for I have married a wife.” So he went out into the highways and byways and compelled them to come in, but they would not heed his call.

    So the man returned to Jericho and blew his trumpet seven times and the walls came tumbling down. He danced as he entered the city, and Queen Jezebel watched him from high up in a window. When she mocked him he said, “Toss her down.” And they did. Then he said, “Toss her down again.” And they threw her down seventy times seven. And the fragments they gathered up were twelve baskets full.

    The question now is: whose wife will she be on the day of resurrection?

  22. Lisa Jordan on December 5, 2008 at 2:27 PM

    >I love puns, and this one’s my favorite. Hope it brings a smile to your face!

    These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

  23. Thoughts from South Moon on December 5, 2008 at 1:18 PM

    >Three woman die and go to heaven where they are met by Saint Peter with instructions. Welcome, ladies. Heaven awaits. The only rule we have is don’t step on the ducks.

    Confused the women enter the Pearly Gates only to be greeted by thousands and thousands of ducks.

    The first lady didn’t watch her step and immediately steps on a duck. Within minutes. Saint Peter appears with the homliest man they have ever seen and handcuffs him to the woman. “This is your partner for the rest of eternity,” says Peter. “Like I said, ‘Don’t step on the ducks.”

    Peter leaves as the unfortunate woman hobbles off with her man.

    The other two ladies are very careful as they tiptoe through the throngs of ducks. But alas, the second woman accidently steps on a duck as well. Sure enough Peter appears again with an even uglier man by his side. He handcuffs the man to woman as she shrieks and begs for mercy. Peter ignores her and leaves, as the woman and her ‘partner’ slink away.

    The third woman is bound and determined to not step on a duck. Who wants to be handcuffed to an ugly man for eternity. Not her! So day after day, she carefully picks her way around the ducks that seem to be multiplying with each passing hour…until sure enough with one misstep she too, steps on a duck. Arrrg!

    Enters Saint Peter, but this time with him is the most handsome man the woman has ever seen. Brad Pitt or George Clooney cannot hold a candle to this man. As Peter handcuffs them together, the woman is smiling from ear to ear not believing her good fortune.

    When Peter leaves, the woman gushes at her man and exclaims, “What did I ever do to deserve this?”

    The man answers, “I don’t know about you, lady, but I stepped on a duck!”

  24. Chatty Kelly on December 5, 2008 at 1:00 PM

    >What starts with an e and ends with an e, but only has 1 letter?

    An envelope…

    hopefully an SASE so your agent can send your acceptance letter back to you. 😉

  25. carla stewart on December 5, 2008 at 12:36 PM

    >A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster
    says “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”

    The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing “That’s horrible.”

    Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and, there is that risk involved.”

    After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a

  26. Robbie Iobst on December 5, 2008 at 12:28 PM

    >This is my favorite joke. I have a bit of ADD so I love it.

    Q: How many people with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: You wanna ride bikes?

  27. Staci at Writing and Living on December 5, 2008 at 10:54 AM

    >A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

    “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

    The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

    The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?

    “Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

    “I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”

  28. Karen on December 5, 2008 at 10:41 AM

    >In keeping with the season:

    A little boy profusely thanked his uncle for his Christmas gift of an electric guitar. When his uncle asked if he had learned to play it, he said, “Oh, I don’t play it. My mom gives me a dollar not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five bucks not to play at night.”

  29. Anonymous on December 5, 2008 at 10:29 AM

    >I’m posting as anonymous because I can’t get my password to work.

    A friend sent me this one which made me laugh out loud:

    As a young minister in Kentucky , I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.

    I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions.
    I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

    The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave.

    There I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began to pour out my heart and soul.

    As I preached about ‘looking forward to a brighter tomorrow’ and ‘the glory that is to come,’ the workers began to say ‘Amen,’ ‘Praise the Lord,’ and ‘Glory!’
    The fervor of these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations.

    I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car.
    As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another, ‘I ain’t NEVER seen nothin’ like that before, and I’ve been puttin’ in septic tanks for thirty years!


  30. Camille Cannon (Eide) on December 5, 2008 at 10:22 AM

    >LOL, Dan. I mean I actually chuckled out loud on that one. 🙂

  31. Daniel F. Case on December 5, 2008 at 10:04 AM

    >The phone rings. “Hello.”

    “Mrs. Sanders please.”


    “Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived at the same time. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not good.”

    Mrs. Sanders bit her lip. “What do you mean?”

    “Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.”

    “That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’

    “Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.”

    “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

    “The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”

    This isn’t a joke as such, but a quote that will bring a smile to your face (at least it did for me):

    “If A is success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X, Y is play and Z is keeping your mouth shut.”
    –Albert Einstein


  32. Ed J. Horton on December 5, 2008 at 9:51 AM

    >Fun stuff! Here’s one…

    A little girl asked her mother, ‘How did the human race appear?’

    The mother answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.’

    Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

    The father answered, ‘Many years ago there were apes, which evolved into monkeys, from which the human race evolved.’

    The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
    ‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human
    race was created by God, and Dad said they developed
    from apes?’

    The mother answered, ‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I
    told you about my side of the family, and your father
    told you about his.’

  33. Ann Victor on December 5, 2008 at 9:42 AM

    >ha!ha! good one about the golf players, Kat.

  34. Kat Harris on December 5, 2008 at 9:37 AM

    >One bright and sunny afternoon, Father Joseph went golfing with his brother, James.

    Throughout their lives, James had been the polar opposite of his God-fearing brother. He cursed; he smoked; he drank; he chased women. The only thing the two brothers really had in common was their love of golf.

    But their different personalities emerged even they played. Every time James hit a bad putt or sent the ball sailing in an unintended direction, he cursed like a sailor.

    “Dang! Missed again.” He would say after each string of obscenities.

    “Dang! Missed again!”
    Cuss, cuss, cuss.
    “Dang! Missed again!”
    Cuss, cuss, cuss.
    “Dang! Missed again!”

    To his brother, Father Joseph, it became difficult to tolerate.

    He finally told James, “Dear brother, I know this game can be frustrating, but if you don’t stop the potty mouth, I fear God might send a lightning bolt to strike you down.”

    Rolling his eyes, James ignored Joseph’s warning. And when he missed another putt, another horrible string of obscenities slipped from his mouth.

    Just then, the the sky turned dark. The wind blew. Thunder rumbled. And from the black cloud above, a lightning bolt shot toward the earth and hit Father Joseph.

    Seconds later, a booming voice echoed from the heavens, “Dang! Missed again.”

    Have a great day Rachelle!

  35. Connie on December 5, 2008 at 8:59 AM

    >This is quite a joke, but I bet it will be a smile to your face anyway.

    Many people hear voices
    when no one is there.
    Some of them are called
    mad and are shut up in
    rooms where they stare
    at the walls all day.
    Others are called writers
    and they do pretty much
    the same thing.

  36. Just_Me on December 5, 2008 at 8:17 AM

    >A group of international soldiers were stationed at the RAF base outside London for a joint training excercise in 2000. Some of them were amused by how easy it was to get on the base and how lax security was.

    One day, during a lunch off-base, a soldier suggested that they all try to get past security with a different form of ID. The person who passed the gate guards with the most outrageous would win.

    So they went on, flashing drivers licenses, passports, library cards, and rec center cards. And the guards didn’t blink an eye. Finally the last guy pulls up and flashes a piece of toast. Sure enough, the guard waves him through…
    (courtesy of Reader’s Digest a number of years ago)

    Q. Why are space rocks better than Earth rocks?

    A. They’re a little meteor.

  37. Mikki Black on December 5, 2008 at 8:13 AM

    >Three guys walk into a bar.
    The fourth one ducks.

  38. Pheebles on December 5, 2008 at 7:28 AM

    >Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: the publisher who prints everything you write, an agent, or Santa Claus?

    A. The agent. The other two indicate you are hallucinating.

  39. Ann Victor on December 5, 2008 at 6:11 AM

    >720 queries in two months??!!?? Yoicks!

    Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Only one but the light bulb *really* has to want to change.

    As I’m from South Africa, here are some wildlife jokes:

    Q: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
    A: Open the door

    Q: How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?

    A; Open the door and take the elephant out.


    Q: H

  40. Kim Kasch on December 5, 2008 at 2:45 AM

    >Honoring my husband who is an immigrant:

    Three immigrants to the U. S. were just mastering the language. One was telling the others about the difficulty they were having in attempting to start a family. He said, “I think my wife must be impregnable.” The second said,” that’s not the right word, she is inconceivable”. To which the third replied, “You are both wrong she is unbearable.”

    Because I work in a lawfirm:

    Q. Why don’t snakes bite lawyers?
    A. Professional courtesy!

    Thanks to:

    And just because:

    Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
    Someone told him to get a long little doggy.

    TGIF!!! After that…