Winner of the Joke Contest

monkeys-laughingThanks to everyone who submitted jokes to our contest last Friday! If you didn’t get a chance to read them, definitely click through for some laughs.

Today I’m announcing the winner. But first, I have to share some honorable mentions:


Best joke for Word Nerds… from Jenni Wiltz:

This one’s in honor of Mother’s Day: A pregnant woman hobbles into the emergency room, one hand on her back. A nurse asks her what’s wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!” The nurse shakes her head and says, “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.” The pregnant woman’s face contorts in pain as she shouts, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!” The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor. “Admit her,” the doctor said. “She’s having contractions.”

* * *

Most likely to make you groan… from Madeline Mora-Summonte:

Q: How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof?

A: It depends on how thin you slice them.

* * *

Easiest for me to guess the sender… from Doc Richard Mabry:

A doctor’s phone rings at 2 AM. “Doc, my wife is hurting something terrible. I think it’s her appendix.”

“I took out your wife’s appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep.”

Five minutes later, the phone rings. “Doc, I’m sure it’s her appendix.”

“Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?”

Two minutes later, the phone rings. “Did you ever hear of anyone having a second wife?”

* * *

Best unintentional kid-humor… from Crystal:

This isn’t so much a joke, but it’s kinda funny. During Children’s church recently (all the kiddos go up in front of the whole church for a short message from children’s minister)…it went something like this:

Children’s Minister: How do we get to Heaven?

5-year-old girl: You die.

* * *

Heard it a hundred times but it still makes me laugh… from Sharon Gagnon:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve Arrived

Date: July 19, 2010

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.

I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

* * *

Because you just have to laugh about getting older… from Sara Davison:

Two elderly couples had just finished having dinner. The women headed off to the kitchen to clean up. The one gentleman turned to the other, patted his stomach, and said, “that was a delicious meal.”

The other man replied, “if you thought that was good, you should have seen the meal we had at this fabulous restaurant last week.”

“What was the restaurant called?”

The second man wrinkled his forehead. “What do you call that flower that women like to get, the one with the thorns?”

“A rose?”

“That’s it.” The second man tipped back his head and hollered, “Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to last week?”

* * *

And my favorite of all the jokes submitted… from Martha Reynolds:

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. With his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…..

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Martha, please contact me and let me know which prize you choose!

Again, thanks to everyone who entered. These jokes kept me laughing for days!

To read my post today on the Books & Such blog, click here:

Will Your First Book Be Published? 4 Reasons to Write Several Books Before Seeking Publication


Rachelle Gardner

Literary agent at Gardner Literary. Coffee & wine enthusiast (not at the same time) and dark chocolate connoisseur. I've worked in publishing since 1995 and I love talking about books!


  1. Jenni Wiltz on May 20, 2013 at 4:57 PM

    Woo-hoo! An honorable mention! And I’m proud to be labeled a “word nerd.” Rachelle, you made my day. 🙂

  2. Denise Hisey on May 18, 2013 at 3:46 PM

    Those were great!!

  3. Crystal on May 18, 2013 at 10:27 AM

    Thanks for the honorable mention 🙂 Congrats to the winner!

  4. Peter DeHaan on May 17, 2013 at 9:20 PM

    They are just as funny reading them the second time. Thanks

  5. Sterling Editing » Written on the internet on May 17, 2013 at 6:36 AM

    […] And we leave you laughing with these winners from agent Rachelle Gardner’s joke contest. […]

  6. Madeline Mora-Summonte on May 16, 2013 at 10:49 AM

    These were fun! I especially liked Doc’s, the email one, and “Rose.”

    Thanks for picking mine as an Honorable Mention! 🙂

  7. Richard Mabry on May 16, 2013 at 10:05 AM

    Loved every one of these (including the one about email, which–believe it or not–I hadn’t heard).
    And glad you liked my doctor joke.