Colorado Humor for a Friday
Most of you know that I live and work in beautiful Colorado. In honor of our state’s early slide into winter this week (big snowstorm), I thought I’d share some Rocky Mountain humor with you. Enjoy!
First, a winter statistic:
98% of Americans say “oh sh*t” before going off an icy road into a ditch. The other 2% are from Colorado and say, “Hang on and watch this.”
You know you’re from Colorado if…
→ You’ll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
→ “Humid” is over 25%.
→ Your sense of direction is: “Toward the mountains” and “Away from the mountains.”
→ You say “the interstate” and everybody knows which one.
→ You think May is a totally normal month for a blizzard.
→ You buy your flowers on Mother’s day, but try and hold off planting them until just before Father’s day.
→ Your kids plan their Halloween costumes around their coats.
→ You’ve gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
→ You always know the elevation of where you are.
→ You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and wonder if it’s going to snow tomorrow.
→ You don’t care that the stadium was renamed, the Broncos still play at Mile High.
→ Everybody wears jeans to church.
→ You know what a “trust fund hippy” is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder.
→ Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the pants off the Raiders.
→ When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
→ You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels “sticky” and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
(I love all these because they’re true!)
Okay, tell me a joke about YOUR state.
And have a good weekend!
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>"→ You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature."
LOL we do that here too!
>I'm from Delaware. What's a mountain?
People don't know this, but there's actually a lot to do in Delaware. You can go to Philly, Baltimore, D.C.,…
Once they had a contest to come up with a motto for the city of Wilmington. One of the entries was: "Wilmington–so close to where you'd rather be."
>Well, I live in Washington and the Pacific Northwest was already mentioned, so I'm going to go with my home state ~ Montana:
You know you are from Montana when:
1.) The biggest news on the front page of the paper is that Hay season has begun.
2.) It's not pronounced brook or stream, it's a "crick". (I heard that one from someone before).
3.)There are no try-outs for high school sports (or there wouldn't be enough players).
4. Traffic consists of two cars at the 4-way stop.
5.) Your town has two cops and all they do is locate the next teen party.
6.) You'd be embarrassed if you got your truck stuck.
7.) You get passed doing 70 by your grandparents.
8.) When you get pulled over for speeding (okay, this was a while ago) you got a $5 wasting natural resources ticket and could pay it on the spot.
9.)Your town has 7 bars, 7 churches, and one grocery.
10.) Wedding receptions are basically keggers.
11.) For your high school reunion you ride in a dump truck with a keg IN the parade.
>You know you're from Colorado when you talk about fourteeners in regular conversation!
You know you're from Arizona when:
You can't leave the faucet on for more than ten seconds without being petrified by extreme guilt.
You get angry when Californians "steal" Colorado River water.
You know how to dig a hole in the sand and put plastic across it to get water–in case you were ever lost in the desert.
You also know that Sequoias hold water, too.
You know how to peel and eat prickly pear cactus fruit.
You shake your shoes before putting them on in case a scorpion is hiding out.
You know the difference between a wolf spider and a tarantula, even though they look eerily similar.
You eat salsa at almost every meal and are rarely offered ketchup in a restaurant.
Tortillas are a staple.
You understand that TexMex is NOT Mexican food.
When someone says "go down to the valley," you know exactly what they are talking about.
You know where Tevas originated, and likely wear them almost every day. Proudly.
You use lotion on a daily basis or your skin cracks.
You are well acquainted with the retired Snowbirds that swoop in to live for the winter.
You wear a coat in Phoenix in January and swear it's freezing. Even when it's 70 degrees.
You or someone you know owns a rattle from a rattlesnake that got a little too close for comfort.
Your food just doesn't taste right without hot sauce on it.
You grew up barefoot and consider sandals year-round apparel. Even in Flagstaff in the snow.
>Looks like Chicago was already covered, but I wanted to add that there are only 3 seasons in Chicago: Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
>I have to add another entry for 'you know you are in rural Kansas when . . . ' because I just saw it with my own two eyes . . .
1. Your local bookstore has a full-color illustrated hardbound book titled "The 50-Point Single Game Point Scorers for High School Boy's Basketball, Volume 1."
2. You are torqued because you looked in the index and your town isn't listed.
>Okay – let's see . . . I live in a small town in Kansas, so . . .
1. Johnson County is not considered part of Kansas. You are either 'from Kansas' or 'from Johnson County.'
2. Anything below 70 percent humidity is considered 'arid.'
3. We start to panic if it doesn't rain for 3 weeks (eeek! drought! doom!)
4. No one 'puts' anything anywhere. However, there is a running argument about whether you 'sit' something on the table or if you 'set' it on the table.
5. First day of deer season is not an unexcused absence from work or school.
6. A traffic jam is two cars in front of me at the stoplight (that's why I don't go out around 5 PM)
7. If you paid more than $20,000 for your house you live in a snooty neighborhood.
8. The newspaper will ignore the financial crisis in favor of a story about a fistfight at a town council meeting.
9. We voted democratic for every major state office and republican for president.
10. We could fit every person in the county into one of the 36 local churches.
11. Amish buggies have the right-of-way.
12. A group of engineering students (from another state) proved statistically that Kansas is flatter than a pancake.
13. Because of that, you break out into a sweat when faced with a 2 percent grade hill.
14. My car gets 12 mpg in a headwind and 35 mpg in a tailwind.
15. Tornado sirens signal that it's time for a road trip!
16. You know what KCK and KCMO stand for.
17. A wedding with a KU grad and a KSU grad is called a 'mixed marriage'.
18. At least one of your storm windows has been replaced with Saran Wrap (generic of course)
19. There is moss growing on the permafrost on your roof (told ya it gets humid . . . )
BTW, I love Kansas, we tell Kansas jokes to keep other people from moving here . . . Welcome to Kansas, Now go home!
>Here's another sign that you live in Northern Virginia: The turnover in your church congregation is something like 85 percent — every year. (Directly related to this: Every Memorial Day and Veterans Day, when they ask the veterans to stand and be honored, almost every person in the church stands up.)
>You know you're from EASTERN Washington (NOT the side of the state pictured on all the tourism brochures) when:
1. "The Coast" refers to all locations west of the Cascades (especially Seattle, which is four hours from the Pacific Ocean).
2. Your vehicle gets sprayed by at least one field sprinkler every time you drive on the highway.
3. "Potholes" is a state park.
4. You know you're close to the local high school when you spot the steeple of the LDS church.
5. You don't notice the smell of skunk spray or feedlots.
>You know you live in Green Bay, WI if:
Your local news only covers football and good hunting.
Dressing up means a jean skirt with a new Packers sweatshirt.
Vacationing means staying just outside your county.
You know Door County isn't a city.
Mullets are a widely accepted hair style for both genders.
Crossing the river to the other side of the city is a day trip rather than seen as a quick errand.
Churches are empty during football season.
>I laughed out loud at your CO ones because I lived in CO mountains and know how true they are!!!
Adding to the true humor about my current residence, the beautiful Land of Enchantment that is New Mexico:
You know you're really from New Mexico when/if:
1. Your waitress asks if you want your enchiladas "Red or Green?" and you tell her/him "Christmas" and you both know exactly what you're talking about. (You want both red+green chile.)
2. You look at someone strangely when they don't want green chile with just about any possible food from breakfast to lunch to dinner.
3. You don't consider "Tex/Mex" food to be "real" Mexican food. (I also lived in Texas; I can say this.)
4. You know that green chiles are NOT those small pickled versions in the cans that some people put on Nachos.
5. You know the hottest green chiles come from Hatch. Natch.
6. You have spent an entire day roasting, peeling and freezing an entire winter's worth of fresh green chile for your home.
7. You know the difference between a luminaria and a farolito and you bristle every time someone uses those terms incorrectly.
8. It wouldn't be Christmas Eve without a traditional feast featuring a huge pot of posole with all the side fixings and lots of homemade tamales.
9. You actually know what posole is and how to make it.
10. You either know how to make homemade tamales or you know someone who does who sells them by the dozen.
11. The only breakfast vendor who comes to your workplace sells several kinds of homemade breakfast burritos ~ and sells out almost immediately after company-wide e-mail gets sent that says simply, "The burrito lady is here."
12. You know where the best Christmas Eve luminaria viewing is ~ and you know that everyone turns their car lights off as they drive down that street to better view them.
13. You can immediately spot a movie or photo that pretends to be in NM but is really shot in AZ by the Saguaro cactus.
14. You know how to spell Albuquerque.
15. You know that the capital of NM is Santa Fe. And that there is NO such thing as Sante Fe.
16. You know it's possible to be living+riding at over 4,000-feet elevation and yet the scenery and roads look completely flat with no mountains in sight.
17. You've used a metal snow flying saucer to ride down huge sand dunes instead of snow.
18. You have a really good sense of humor and even make jokes yourself about the whole "Roswell UFO" thing.
19. You have ever told someone you live in or are travelling to NM and been asked, "Oh, do you have your passport and visa?"
20. You have ever told someone you live in or are travelling to NM and been asked, "Oh, I didn't know you spoke Spanish?"
21. You know that it's possible to have "rivers" that have no water in them ~ even the mighty Rio Grande in some places at certain times of the year.
22. You know what an arroyo is and why they issue warnings to stay away from them during and after heavy rains.
23. You realize you live somewhere that is a major tourist vacation destination for others.
24. You know that Georgia is not the only state that grows good peanuts. You also know where to buy green chile peanuts in the shell in Portales, NM.
25. You cringe everytime someone forgets that NM is actually a state in the USA and not a foreign country, but you also laugh and have funny stories to tell about that very same thing.
>You know you're from Sweden when
– you know "Scandinavia" is not one country but three, four or possibly five countries, depending on definitions.
– you know you can't buy danishes in Denmark, but you don't know you eat swedes in Sweden.
– you're very particular about pointing out to people that you're Swedish, not Danish or Norwegian or Finnish.
– you know the Swedish chef doesn't actually speak Swedish.
– it's perfectly normal to eat fermented and pickled herring, reindeer jerky, sugar-salted cod roe and blood sausages.
– elk hunting season (October) is a national holiday.
– kids dress up as witches for Easter rather than Halloween.
– you take 1 year paid maternity/paternity leave for granted.
– you're offended by the stereotype "Swedish" women in movies who are named Inga and look like Bavarian milk maids, yet you're secretly happy about being referenced in a Hollywood movie.
– you've never actually worn a fur bikini.
>Ditto for "Wydaho" with a few exceptions:
"Trust fund hippies" live in Jackson Hole.
98% say "Hold on for the ride" when heading into a snow bank. And within several minutes, someone will pass in a truck to pull you you out.
A ditch is called a "Burrow Pit," because they borrowed the dirt [from the ditch] to make the road.
When you say you're going "over the hill", you know that the person is going over the Teton Pass…which is a far cry from a HILL in Louisiana, or anywhere for that matter.
The object that you put your groceries in while shopping is called a "shopping cart"…not a buggy, like in Louisiana. Now come on!
32 degrees is NOT COLD!
You must put your lawn to bed for the winter…it's not even a choice.
Schools hardly close even though we average 500 inches of snow a winter.
You NEVER assume that a carpenter, plumber, window washer, house cleaner, snow pusher, store clerk, waitress, etc do not have a college degree…they likely have a Masters or higher in this valley.
No one has a single job…you have to be creative and accept many roles to make it in our town.
"Bad" weather hardly ever keeps you inside.
In the winter, people BEG for low pressure systems to ski the fresh powder!
Gravel/dirt roads out-number paved roads.
You give up on ever having a CLEAN car.
>You know you're from Massachusetts when:
You know how to pronounce both Worcester and Gloucester.
You never put tomatoes in clam chowder.
You understand why they call it Taxachusetts.
You think the Kennedys are misunderstood.
>You know you're from Massachusetts when:
You know how to pronounce both Worcester and Gloucester.
You never put tomatoes in clam chowder.
You understand why they call it Taxachusetts.
You think the Kennedys are misunderstood.
>These have been so much fun to read!
More for the Iowa list:
“You can find nice things to say about Herbert Hoover.”
“No matter how small the plate is at the salad bar you can get 400 items on it.”
“You don’t think there’s anything funny about the name ‘Des Moines International Airport.’”
“You don’t freak out when you hear: ‘Tornado’s coming.’”
“You are out of state and meet someone else from Iowa and you both get really excited.”
>Funny thing about the Texas weather comments–
I'm from Miami and am moving to Texas soon. You know you're from South Florida when you're so excited that there will be COLD WEATHER!!! in Texas.
Guess my definition of cold is a bit off, by most standards! Just two days ago the forecast was creeping up to 90, and no one even blinked. I long for 60s!
>My daughter was born in Denver, so I know that May blizzard is true! True here in Maine, too! Actually most of what you wrote for Colorado is true for Maine – except the mountains. Katahdin is just a "hill" compared to the rockies or the sierras in California. And any team beating the whatever off the Raiders is a GOOD team in my book.
>I will be back to read this post. Popped in because your pictures grabbed my attention. Going to an away football game soon. Hoping Justin will play. If not, it'll be a beautiful drive towards the mountains. 🙂
>FROM COLORADO SPRINGS: FYI, everybody, it's beeeeuuutiful today…on come the flip-flops.
>In DC you get a lot of folks itching to wear jeans to church, but no one wants to be the first to do it. It's kinda like being the first to start at the buffet line at a pot luck. You don't want to stand out as being too willing to make yourself comfortable ahead of the others, but you can't stop thinking about how nice it'd be to get a forkful of Mildred's lasagne…
>Since Erica Hami already covered Ky pretty well, I'll just add a couple comments:
*in KY seed has a double meaning–what the farmers plant and a variation of saw as in "I seed him do it!"
*The thing that struck me most about the states wasn't how different they are, but rather how alike we are–in many states you use AC and heat in the same day, wear jeans to church, plan social events around football or basketball games, etc….Rose, who lives in KY, but has also lived in SC, KS, and CO where we left in Oct. 69 during a blizzard that covered the roads so fast that the cows were walking over the fences and down the interstate!
>You know you're from New York City if…
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer’s speaking.
You have 27 different take-out menus next to your phone.
You order your dinner and have it delivered from the place across the street.
You think the four major food groups are Chinese, Italian, Mexican and Indian.
You know you're from upstate New York if…
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You get your snowblower stuck on the roof.
I have lived in Colorado since 1981 and I laughed so hard at what you listed. Every one of them is so true.
I can never get over people wearing flip flops in winter!
I love Colorado, God gave us such beauty to surround us but I wish he would have held off winter a little longer this year, I missed having a fall. I think I recall one beautiful fall day. 🙂
>Here in Alberta, we have some of the same weather you have, but we also have lovely things called Chinooks:
A standard joke/reality is that if you don't like the weather stick around five minutes and it will change.
I realized when I was in India that people didn't have the same fascination with the weather that I did. I would ask daily what the weather was going to be and they would answer: warm in the day time and cold at night!
>You said I forgot A COUPLE of New Orleans jokes, Tere Kirkland? We now have enough to publish our own book! ;>0
>You know you’re from Ottawa, Canada when…
1)A snow “storm” means 25+ cm’s of snow. If a city shuts down for anything under 10, you laugh.
2)You know that syrup can be served with any meal.
3)A beavertail is something you eat while standing on or near ice.
4)People are constantly telling you that you sound American because you have no accent.
5)You own at least one toque, and not because it’s hip.
6)Your Halloween costumes were always designed to work over a snowsuit.
7)You cringe every time someone asks you if Toronto is the capital of Canada.
8)You cringe every time someone blames you for Celine Dion.
9)Your city barely notices that the country’s Prime Minister is here every day, but it literally shuts down for Obama.
10)You know someone who knows someone who went to school with Alanis Morissette.
>What? No Arkansas?
Here you go:
High school football is almost a religion.
Every other business in Northwest Arkansas takes their name from the college mascot.
If the weatherman says it's going to rain, it isn't. If he says it isn't, it is.
When there is a "winter advisory" people go to the store and buy ice cream.
You've been known to wear shorts one day and your winter coat the next.
"Dirt roading" is a date. And so is 4-wheeling, fishing and camping.
>You know you're from Massachusetts if:
You never say "Cape Cod" you say "The Cape"
You know the Mass Pike and 495 create some sort of strange weather dividing line
You've bragged about saving money at The Christmas Tree Shop
You know what a "regular coffee" is!
You can navigate a rotary without a problem
You can go from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen minutes
You know how to pronounce towns like Worcester, Eastham, Chatham, Haverhill, Peabody, Scituate, and Leominster
You know what they sell at a "packie"
You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round
Paranoia sets in when you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS
You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left
You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house
There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house and that is how you give directions
A Crown Victoria = Undercover Cop
And the biggest one –
You know that the Boston Accent is only used in the eastern part of the state.
>Oh, this whole post and comments had me laughing so much because I have two states…
I lived in Castle Rock, CO for 4 years, and can completely relate with all your points! Especially the "toward the mountains and away from the mountains" …that was so me. I suck at directions and that was the one place I've lived that I actually could do it!
I grew up in Texas and now am back in Texas, so I LOVED the snow while I was in Colorado and my parents could never understand how I could say it was colder in Texas than Colorado because that "sticky" air makes everything go to the bone. We just don't get much white stuff to go with the cold.
Everyone pretty much covered my Texas stuff, but my favorite was about the high school football games. It IS a religion here. The town clears out on Friday night, and if your team goes to the playoffs, well lets just say if you wanted to rob anybody's house that would be the time.
So….off to get ready…because tonight is Friday night!
>In Colorado, we have $600 cars with $2000 mountain bikes strapped to the top…
>One more shout out to all the Texans…
– While driving along, every fifth sign or so has a Texas flag or "Texas" in the name of the store.
-The vehicles are HUGE.
-The Chinese buffet is practically a palace, almost twice as large as most hotels' main floor, w/ sitting for hundreds.
-Every place you go you can see people wearing shirts or caps for Texas A&M or the University of Texas.
-High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people, and if you're not at the game on Friday then something is wrong with you.
-Fire ant bite…'nuff said.
-You know everything goes better with Ranch.
-It's illegal to carry wire cutters in your pockets.
-You can drive all day and never cross the state border.
-An couple of inches of snow/ice will shut down the city.
>All right, I've got to represent the great state of Alabama! You know you're from Alabama when…
Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the only doughnuts that exist.
You have a party or a barbeque whenever Alabama plays Auburn in football.
You go to Gulf Shores every summer.
You call the Atlanta Braves baseball team "us" like they're actually from Alabama.
You don't "take", you "carry" or "tote"… as in "You want me to carry you down to the store?"
A soft drink isn't soda, cola, or pop, it's Coke.
You say "fixin' to," "might could," or "usetacould" on a regular basis.
You know the meaning of the phrase "Fobbed again."
You know exactly what chitlins and mountain oysters are, and you know someone who eats them anyway.
You've missed a wedding or a funeral to go to a football game.
You know Mamanem means the whole family. ("Are mamanem comin?")
You know the difference between redneck, hillbilly and southerner.
You know what the waitress means when she asks you "sweet or unsweet?"
You know all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.
You know if a single snowflake falls, the town is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. All grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper and beer.
Almost everyone you know is Baptist or Methodist.
You know at least one Bubba, and a few guys named Bo.
You say "sir" and "ma'am" if there's even a chance someone is even thiry seconds older than you.
>Those are some good ones about Louisiana, Lynnda! But you're forgetting a couple:
You know you live in New Orleans when you get stuck in traffic behind a second line.
You know that LA has 4 season, crab, crawfish, oyster and shrimp.
You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils.
The horsepower of your outboard motor is greater than that of your car motor.
You are asked to name the holy trinity and your reply is “onions, celery, bell pepper.
Every once in a while, you have waterfront property.
You consider garbage cans a legal step to protecting your parking space on a public street.
You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.
Your one-martini lunch becomes a five-bloody mary afternoon… and you keep your job.
You’re walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer. When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.
You refer to people older than you as Mr or Mrs. and their first name.
You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you’ve eaten.
You think of gravy as a beverage.
You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, “Don’t eat the dead ones,” and you know what he means.
You give up Tabasco for Lent.
You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.
You don’t learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together
Your last name isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled.
You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a “New Orleans-based” movie or TV show.
You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.
You waste more time navigating back streets than you would if you just sat in traffic.
You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
You like your rice and your politics dirty.
No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.
Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call the coroner.
Your accent sounds nothing like Harry Connick, Jr’s.
Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever.
You’ve done your laundry in a bar.
You don’t show your “pretties” during Mardi Gras.
You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
You “boo” the mayor on national television.
Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.
You suck heads, eat tail, sing the blues and you actually know where you got them shoes.
And most importantly:
Someone asks for directions and you stop and help them with a smile.
What a great post! I've had tons of fun reading all the comments!
>R.K. – I was born & raised in Eugene, glad to oblige.
Yeah, forgot those—it appears that Oregonians just love beverages.
For those who don't want to come to Oregon cringing, it's OR-uh-gen.
>These were great.
There are only two seasons: 9 months of winter and 3 months of pretty poor sledding.
>Here are some things about Minnesota as observed by Jeff Foxworthy:
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Minnesota.
If you know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in Minnesota.
If you consider Minneapolis exotic, you might live in Minnesota.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Minnesota.
If "down south" means Iowa, if a brat is something you eat,aand if you go out to a fish fry every Friday, you might live in Minnesota.
If you find 0 degrees "a little chilly," you really just might live in Minnesota!
>Why can't you say that everyone from New Jersey is in the Mafia?
Because some are in the Witness Protection Program
OK – I was born there
Thanks for the ode to Oregon. I lived in Eugene for two years. Loved it. Nice to revisit through your comments. I went out there saying "Ore-uh-gone" (*cringe*) and left saying "Or-(a)-gyn" (almost silent a). I think you could add microbrews to your list, and privately owned espresso stands between all the Starbucks.
>You know your from Washington, DC if
– Politics is the most popular sport. Your party is your team.
– Your party is probably not Republican.
– You have the right to keep and bear arms, but would rather you didn't.
– More hours of the day are rush hour than not.
– Being too busy to spend a relaxing time with friends is considered a virtue.
– Your city has no voting representation in the Congress but takes flack from the rest of the country when Congress underperforms.
– In summer, it's not the heat, it's the humidity.
– When it snows, everything comes to a standstill.
– You've probably seen less of the Smithsonian than your out-of-town guests.
– You and/or many of your friends work for the US Government or one of its contractors.
– You know what OPM stands for.
(And many of the Northern Virginia rules apply to DC too.)
>If the sand dunes are covered with grass, you know you're in Nebraska.
(Well, at least the center of it anyway.) 🙂
>You know you’re from Toledo if you have postnasal drip from the “Lake Erie Effect”
You know you’re from Toledo if you have 10 recipes for real Polish kielbasa
You know you’re from Toledo if you think Magic Wok is a real Chinese restaurant
You know you’re from Toledo if you say “fir” to say four, fore, or for
You know you’re from Toledo if you say your short vowels, aah, aah, aah, aah, aah
You know you’re from Toledo if you’d rather cause an accident than let someone merge
You know you’re from Toledo if you ever say, “I’m from Toodledeedoo.”
(Sigh! I’m a displaced New Yorker)
>What my dear friend Gwen Stewart neglected to mention above is that whatever its elevation, the Michigan ski area in question is manmade from a previous garbage dump, and has a vertical drop of 352 ft—less than half the height of a Denver skyscraper, and a mere sneeze next to, say, Steamboat's 3668 ft or Jackson Hole's 4139 ft.
I moved out of the shadow of those Rocky Mountains to the Rust Belt of Michigan. Even people in Michigan drop their jaws and ask, "You moved here from there?" (That's what being in love will do to an otherwise rational mind.)
I'll limit my remarks about Michigan to just this. You really don't want to get me started. ; )
>1. Amanda Acton needs to write a book. Wow.
2. Lynn – why IS there no DST in AZ?
3. What else DO you call 'pop'?
I haven't seen Oregon mentioned, although Kim K must be there or pertnear close. So here's an ode to OR:
*Oregonians usually look like idiots when we travel out of state because we have trouble pumping gas and remembering to figure in sales tax.
*Oregon weather-persons have at least 10 different terms to describe rain. Oregonians know what 'sun break' means (ie: absolutely nothing) and wouldn't be caught dead carrying an umbrella.
*A Starbucks on every corner, sometimes two on the same block.
*Headn tord the moun'n. What? Isn't that how everyone says it?
*Jeans and flannel are acceptable for all occasions. Except when dining out at a really nice restaurant. This calls for your new Carharts.
*If you live in Oregon and you don't own at least one gun, you probably were born somewhere else. Like California.
*Portland is a world of its own that rural Oregonians avoid entering as often as possible.
*You're from Oregon if you can correctly pronouce Oregon and don't bat an eye at passing through towns with names such as Brothers, Sisters, Boring, Blodgett, Gopher, Christmas Valley, Riddle, Rogue Elk, Needy, Tongue Point, Wistful Vista, and Zig Zag.
*If you like rain, fishing, hiking, beachcombing, jazz, rain, coffee, hunting, breathtaking fall foliage, majestic mountains, wineries, rain, four-wheeling, dirt-biking, cheese, snowboarding, cave-exploring, waterfalls, camping, wind-surfing, sand sunes, basketball, salmon, mold, lumberjacks, river-rafting, rain, forests, lush green valleys, running, farming, coffee, ocean-gazing, endless evergreens, quiet lakes, hazelnuts, eclectic art-culture-music, water OR snow skiing, country-western, whale-watching, Nikes, covered bridges, rain, stunning scenic highways, Shakespearian theatre, rugged rivers, native American culture, glacial streams AND warm springs, coffee, high desert owl-watching, BIG trucks, eclectic dining, elk, deer, bear, Beavers and Ducks, and rain—then you'll love Oregon.
>THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN KENTUCKY
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Kentucky .
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Kentucky plus a couple no one’s seen before.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra.
“Fixinto” is one word.
There is no such thing as “lunch.” There is only dinner and then there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
Backwards and forwards means “I know everything about you.”
DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
You measure distance in minutes.
You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
“Fix” is a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store.”
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You know what a “DAWG” is.
There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
100 degrees Fahrenheit is “a little warm.”
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as “goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World.”
A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop . . . it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
No matter how bad UK's basketball team is, you still belive they'll pull it off and make it to the Final 4
>I'll add one more for Colorado–at least for those who live with me at 8000ft and higher:
Kids think it's normal to trick-or-treat in the snow and hunt for Easter eggs in the snow.
>Actually, a lot of these apply to the state of NM, too, but there would have to be something about the state color being red and green, or Christmas.
>You know your from southern California when;
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.
You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.
You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.
You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there.
Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
In the winter, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.
If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
You know what In-N-Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California roll.
You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.
You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times. You don't remember any of them.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
You eat pineapple on pizza.
Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of your head.
You think that Venice is a beach.
The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.
*Speaking of which, I'm off to Disneyland. I'll be sure to give Mickey a hug for you Rachelle!
>I'm here in Los Angeles where:
When you refer to an interstate or highway it's just a number prefaced by "the" ( the 5, the 10, the 91)
When you meet a stranger, you might start your conversaation with, "Do you speak English?"
We are the last ones to post comments on your site.
>Let me add a few more to the Oklahoma list:
# You can tell when it's tornado weather.
# When you drive through a neighborhood anyone out walking will smile and wave at you.
# You have stopped to let a family of deer cross the road.
# You thought the twister ride at Universal Studios wasn't windy enough.
# You know who your neighbors are, how many children they have, and when one of them gets married or graduates.
# You or someone you know was born, raised and still lives in the same town.
# You plan events around football games.
# You learned how to do country and western dances at school.
# You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, Okemah, Talequah, and Chickasha.
# You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration, and he didn't mean farm animals.
# It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
# A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
# You save all your life for your dream vacation, and use it to go to the OU/Texas game.
# You don't turn on the news until 20 minutes past the hour, because that's the only thing you care about anyway. (the weather)
# Your quarterback is hurt and it is the top story on the six o'clock news.
# You get up at 5:30 A.M. and go to the coffee shop, where the waitress never asks what you would like. She already knows.
# You are on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
# You know what the "Sea of Red and White" is.
# You think that using the elevator involves a corn truck.
# You use manure on your grass instead of Weed and Feed.
# You wear cowboy boots to church.
# You know that everything goes better with Ranch.
# You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
# "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper."
>True Meaning of Temperatures in North Dakota (with thanks to Susan Kinkle):
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in North Dakota plant gardens.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in North Dakota sunbathe.
40 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in North Dakota drive with the windows down.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in North Dakota gets thicker.
20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in North Dakota throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in North Dakota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero: ; People in Miami all die. People in North Dakota close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico People in North Dakota get out their winter coats.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in North Dakota are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in North Dakota let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. North Dakotan's get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.
460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in North Dakota start saying…"Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. North Dakota public schools will open 2 hours late.
You live in South Jersey when you get lost in the woods then hop in your car and go to Six flags!
About my earlier posts: Sorry if I offended any North Jersians. I'm a country patriot, but I'm also a Christian, and wanted to make sure my jokes didn't offend.
You also know you're a fifteen-year-old South Jersian when you *cough, cough* spell South Jersey wrong in your earlier posts . . . .
>If you slide into the ditch in Arkansas, don't worry. In a matter of minutes, a 4 x 4 will arrive with two men and a shotgun or two mounted in the back window. They'll be wearing coveralls and be equipped with a chain. Minutes later, they'll pull you out of the ditch. Just thank them. Don't worry about offering to pay. They live for this.
>You are from Virginia if you believe when John Denver sang "Take me home country road," he was singing about westERN Virginia, not actually the state of West Virginia.
And I laughed at the Northern VA jokes, because they are so true.
>FORGET REDNECKS; THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAD TO SAY ABOUT UTAHNS!
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September to May, you live in Utah.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Utah.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Utah.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Utah.
If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Salt Lake City for the weekend, you live in Utah.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Utah.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Utah.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Utah.
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in Utah.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Utah.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Utah.
If the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph — you're going 80, and everyone is still passing you, you live in Utah.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Utah.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Utah.
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly' you live in Utah.
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends, you live in Utah.
>These made me laugh and you're right, they're all totally true! I've lived in Colorado my whole life and this "blizzard" we just had is a reminder that weather in Colorado is consistently inconsistent. Have a great weekend!
>You're walking down a city sidewalk with your family and a man approaches and bradishes a knife.
Wonder if he's offended this man somehow, whether he's part of an oppressed people group, and if he should direct him to the local welfare office.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Then your daughter says, "Nice grouping, Daddy."
>You know you're from Michigan if:
1. You use your hand as a map.
2. You bake with soda and drink pop.
3. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but is only 100 miles from Hell.
4. You know that Big Mac is something you drive over.
5. You end your sentences with a preposition…"Where's my coat at?"
6. You think alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.
7. Your idea of a traffic jam is 20 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel.
8. The trees in your backyard have spigots.
9. You know what a pastie is.
10. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
11. You go "up north" or "down south" within state boundaries.
12. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
13. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.
14. You know what a Yooper is.
15. You know that UP is a place and not a direction.
16. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
17. You've had to turn on the heat and AC in the same day.
18. Your year has 2 seasons–winter and construction.
19. Your idea of a 7-course meal is a 6-pack of beer and a bucket of smelt.
20. At least 50% of your relatives used to work for the auto industry.
>I'll have to pass this along to my bro n law. He is in Afganastan right now serving in the Air Force, but they are going to re route to COLORADO:)
>You know you're from New Mexico when:
1. You can order your Big Mac with green chile.
2. Your Christmas decorations include "red Chiles, a half-ton of sand and 200 paper bags."
3. Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a Dust Devil.
4. You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
5. You know what it means when a waitress asks you whether you want "red or green."
>I'll add a Colorado one, since I lived there most of my life and still consider myself a Colorado girl:
There are two seasons–winter and construction.
>Hey, a lot of those work for Utah, too! Especially the cold/unpredictable weather and mountain ones.
Of course, you know you're from Utah when…
Your pronounce Mountain, and hunting as "Moun'ain", and "Hun'in."
Everyone in your town is related.
Half the families in your neighborhood have been there since the pioneers crossed the plains.
>Well I live in Cyprus, a Brit expat in a rural village. Here is my take on the place.
You know you are a Cypriot when …
you wear a jumper and the tourists are in bikini's.
You go to a wedding along with 4,000 others 90% in jeans.
Your evening meal is cooked outside 99% of the year.
You all gather to watch the village pigs slaughtered and still eat pork.
Odd shoes are a fashion statement wear a pair and you get looked at.
Flip flops are the norm.
Easter is Christmas.
A car with no door is a new one.
Visiting the town in winter you look like a hillbilly the tourists stare.
If you don't have a pack of barking dogs you are not normal.
Wine for breakfast is OK ( Not for me, I write ;0 ).
You know you have landed at the airport, only one guard at passport control.
The postman arrives…on a donkey.
You jump with joy when it rains.
Snow? You abandon the car and go to the coffee shop even if it is a flake.
Glue a mobile phone to your ear and you are a resident.
You go to church dressed to go hunting, including gun and dog.
Just looked at my clothes and footwear…I am a resident now! Good morning/Kalimera HIC!
>Thanks for the laughs this morning, Rachelle. You crack me up!
You Know You're From Florida If…
1. You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee and Withlacoochee
2. You know someone who's been struck by lightning
3. You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos
4. You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites
5. Anything under 70 is chilly
6. You've worn shorts AND used the A/C on Christmas
7. You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important
8. You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt
9. You dread lovebug seasons
10. You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix
11. You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls
12. You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides
13. A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade
14. You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt
>According to the famous self-proclaimed Redneck, Jeff Foxworthy, who observed about New Englanders:
If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.
If you've switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph, you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England.
If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New
>I'd echo the ones about Texas and add a couple:
It is still common to see people wearing cowboy hats.
People wear cowboy boots to church.
If you don't say "y'all," you're probably not from here.
Pump jacks are a common sight on the highway (at least in West Texas where I live).
You think that Mexican food ONLY tastes good in Texas.
These are so fun!
>I love Colorado! This made me laugh so hard! Some of these definitely apply to me (i.e., flip flops year round), which made me feel unofficially connected to that great State!
You know you're from Ga if:
-Your state bird is the mosquito
-Your state flag has a construction symbol on it
-You go from summer to winter and then back to fall
-You're suprised any chicken restaurant exists outside of Chick-fil-A
-You would never in a million years choose to drink a pepsi product.
-If you live near Atlanta, you just call it "town"
-If you can fry it, you do. If you can't, it's not edible.
>I'm from the Texas hill country. Our biggest import is tourists; the biggest export is rocks.
>I've got Kansas jokes around here somewhere… And no, I don't know Dorothy and Toto…
You know you're from Kansas when you can run the heater and the A/C on the same day… sometimes on the same drive.
A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F150 4×4 is. (Except in Johnson County)–Yea for us JOCO folks!
You can properly pronounce Salina, Basehor, Cimarron, Schoenchen, Kechi, Olathe and Osawatomie. (I know 6 of the 7…)
The terms Sooners and Huskers cause hairs on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise.
Your closest neighbor is more than a mile away and you can still see him from your front porch.
You have never met any celebrities. (Bob Dole isn't a celebrity; he's your neighbor.)
You think people who complain about the wind and weather in their states are SISSIES!
You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.
A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
You know the real way to pronounce the name of Clinton's state and the river. arKANSAS.
You measure distance in hours. (And, yes, I do this. I know it's about 12 hours to Denver, but have no clue about the miles!)
You know the 4 seasons as: summer, road construction, still summer, winter. (Except this year.)
You feel safe leaving you truck running while you go in the gas station.
>Enjoyed the PA ones up there. That's where I grew up.
You know you are in Denmark if:
1) You can't buy danishes at any bakery.
2) It's raining or threatening to rain.
Oka, I found some for Arizona:
You know you're from Arizona if. . .
1. All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
2. You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
3. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
4. You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
5. People break out coats when temperature drops below 70 degrees.
6. You have to explain to out-of-staters why there is no daylight savings time.
>Good morning Rachelle,
In the 1970s we moved to Colorado Springs at the end of May. Three weeks earlier, a blizzard had come through damaging property all over the area. We were amazed.
Now I live in New Orleans – which is a state unto itself, so here are some jokes about New Orleans.
You can tell your from New Orleans when:
1. You know the Irish Channel is not Gaelic-language programming on cable.
2. You drive your car up onto the neutral ground if it rains steadily and heavily for more than two hours.
3. Someone asks for an address by compass directions and you say it's Uptown, downtown, backatown, riverside or lakeside.
4. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
5. You can pronounce "Chop-a-tool-is" but can't spell it OR you can pronounce and spell Tchoupitoulas.
6. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than your house.
7. You know the West Bank has nothing to do with Israel or the Middle East.
8. You get on a bus marked "cemeteries" without a second thought.
9. You have no idea what a turn signal is or how to properly use it.
10. You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a neutral ground while avoiding two joggers and a streetcar, then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake.
11. You make groceries at Schwegmann's to get da Zatarains for da crawfish. Den, ya suck da heads of those crawfish for da juice. Don't forget da beer and da white Russian daiquiris. Afterwards, you go down to Randazzo's for some king cake. While in da parish, you stop at Rocky's for some baked macaroni to take home. On Mondays, you get da beignets, coffee and da Gambit. (Dat Gambit has everything.) For lunch, you go down to Mother's for some red beans and rice. Tomorrow, you get da muffaletta at da Central Grocery. And dat's what we do in New Awlins, dawlin'.
>Well Rachelle, I know you will never get through all of these lists today, but here's the North Dakota version:
You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it's still there.
You break down on the highway and somebody actually stops to help you.
You can pay for four "Big Macs" with a personal check.
Your Valentine's Day gift is a new set of snow tires.
You wave to someone on the highway because you recognize his truck.
In the spring, every tenth vehicle you pass is a tractor.
Someone says manure spreader and you know it isn't the local congressman.
When the car in front of you is weaving, you suspect a farmer checking fields instead of a drunk.
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
You think of something other than the Bible when you hear the words "Great Flood".
You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Not Winter, and Almost Winter.
You cry when a tree is cut down but complain when a new one is planted because it blocks the view.
After you discuss the weather, conversation declines.
You understand "AYH, y'betchyah" means either "I agree" or "You're full of it" and know the difference.
>I loved your post! I am from Salt Lake City, UT but now live in TN. (Not the same)
Here are some fun ones regarding Utah:
1. You can pick out a Mormon missionary on sight.
2. When people refer to the "church" everyone knows it is the Mormon church. If you are not Mormon you know to label your church such as Baptist, Catholic, etc.
3. People use the term "oh my heck" way too much
You know you're from South Jersy when…
*You proudly say where you're from and people say "Oh, that's too bad!"
*You pass through North Jersey and wonder how you got into New York City too fast.
*You take a walk in oak woods and talk of Jersey Devil.
*You know what "Mischief Night" is.
*The word "Snow" actually means "Slush"
*You have a horse farm on your left and a city boy who has no idea where he is on your right.
*You say "South Jersy" and "North Jersy" and can make fun of one and proudly stand up for the other.
South Jersy rocks!!
>Right after I met you in Colorado in July, we were driving by some pretty fabulous mountains set against a stinkin' awesome blue sky, and my husband said, "Remind me again why we live in Ohio."
>Well, we're a little oversensitive about being the butt of jokes in New Jersey. Here's what Woody Allen said: "I believe there's an intelligence to the universe, except in certain parts of New Jersey."
If you tell someone from Jersey you live there, they don't ask you what town you're from, they ask "What exit?"
But…we have beautiful beaches! Bruce Springsteen! Cranberry farms! Even some trees!
(yes, I'm defensive).
>Here's my favorite Virginia joke:
The Pentagon has announced the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit of Virginia mountain boys called the "United States Redneck Special Forces".
These men will be dropped into Afghanistan with only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
We expect the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.
>What a fun post! I've lived so many places, I get nearly all of these comments! I think it's the living all those places that makes them especially true: when I was little I thought everywhere was like where I lived!
I'm in Northern Virginia, which
people here don't even consider the same as regular Virginia. Because it's not. Trust me!
So here's a few about Northern VA:
1. You take a major highway to get anywhere (95, 66,28, etc)
2. You have at least 2 friends who have no idea what their parents do because its "top secret" government work
3. You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern" in front of it
4. A yellow light means at least 5 more cars car get through.
5. A red light means 2 more can.
6. It takes you 30 minutes to drive 10 miles
7. Your local news is national news
8. You drive at least 30 miles a day to get to work
9. Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are NOT, under ANY circumstances, a "southerner"
10. The cars in the local high school's student parking lot are worth 3x those in the teacher parking lot.
11. You can cross 4 lanes of traffic in under 30 seconds
12. An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of work
13. Helicopters, F-15s, and airplanes flying above your neighborhood is a normal occurence.
14. If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 new names.
15. You live five minutes from at least two schools but yours is 30 minutes away.
>Texas is hotter because…
we have Tex-Mex and Habanero salsa.
we break into a sweat the instant we step outside at 7:30 a.m.
we have Matthew McConaughey.
>I laughed hard about "our kids plan their Halloween costumes around their coats." HA!!! I grew up in Minnesota and remember having to have wear color-coordinated wool "leg warmers" under otherwise cute dresses. Always such a downer.
>You know you're from Louisiana if –
-Your sense of direction is: "Down the Bayou" and "Up the Bayou"
-You declare it a crisp morning if the humidity is below 80%
-you've ever declared war on mosquitos.
>I love this, Rachelle!
Right now I can't think of anything funny about living in Illinois, unless you consider our former governors jokes.
>You know you're from Oklahoma when:
1. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
2. Ya'll is an accepted contraction, not slang.
3. You know that Miami, Oklahama and Miami, Florida are pronouned two different ways.
4. You've worn flip-flops in the winter. (Back at you!)
5. You've owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
6. You know what calf fries are – and still eat them.
7. You think people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
8. "Chicken fried chicken" is a typical entre on a restaurant menu.
9. You "go into town" for something, even though you already live in town.
10. You can drive 80 mph on a two-lane dirt road with one hand, but driving 60 mph on a four-lane expressway in a city scares the poo-poo out of you.
>You know you're from North Carolina when…
You've never met ANY celebrities
You've seen all the biggest bands…ten years after their last hit
You skipped school to go to Dale Earnhardt's memorial service
You know tea is served sweet unless you specifically asked for unsweetened
You know the difference between a deer dog, a bear dog and a coon dog by the way they bark
You think the four major food groups are beef, pork, beer, and Jello salad with marshmallows
>In Tennessee, we love words so much we stack 'em:
Hot Water Heater
Unless we're in a hurry, then we use contractions:
O'vair – Not right'chere
Lie'kat – means similar to
We're north of the gnat line, but we can falcon hunt with horse flies.
>In Tennessee, we love words so much we stack 'em:
Hot Water Heater
Unless we're in a hurry, then we use contractions:
O'vair – Not right'chere
Lie'kat – means similar to
We're north of the gnat line, but we can falcon hunt with horse flies.
>I'll add to Alexis' list:
You know you're from Texas if…
you're spending the summer in Colorado.
My sister's a Colorado gal now, and she was out fixing her roof in that storm! Me? If it gets below 70 degrees, I'm wearing a sweater. Texan through and through.
>In Atlanta we have two seasons: Summer and January…I actually heard that joke about TX, but the same applies here.
It's funny that it's all iced-up in CO…yesterday my girls and I were outside playing and Lily was wearing shorts and Crocs…
>LAUGHING this Friday morning!!! I live in a suburb of KC, MO. This town was built up around an air base, and since the base left, things haven't been the same. Traditionally, the town has been occupied by rednecks. Here's my favorite joke about my town:
"How are a tornado and a Belton divorce alike?"
"Either way, somebody loses a trailer."
>You know you're from Pennsylvania if …
1. You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA" (pronounced Pee-Ay).
2. You can say the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.
3. You know what a "State Store" is, and your out-of-state friends find it unbelievable that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
4. You know who "Punxsutawney Phil" is, and what it means if he sees his shadow.
5. You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
Happy Friday, Rachelle! Hope you're staying warm.
>Rachelle, LOVED this post! I'm moving to Fort Collins in January and I have to say, these facts have me a bit scared!
"You Know You Live In Texas When…"
1. When say you want a coke when you mean you want a pepsi.
2. You stop for directions and are told to "go straight 20 minutes, turn left at the gas station, and turn right at the Walmart 30 minutes away".
3. "Winter" storms are cold fronts of 70 degrees.
4. You have two seasons: spring and summer.
5. It's still a common thing to run into someone in a cowboy hat.
6. If someone does not use the word "y'all", you know they aren't from Texas.
>Why are New Yorkers so cranky? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey…
Fun post for a Friday.
>You know you are from the Chicago area if you:
~ While waiting for the walk signal with a friend you say "we can make it if we run!" and then pull your friend across the street with you.
~ Think that any "traffic jam" that isn't backed up for at least two hours doesn't deserve to be called a "traffic jam".
~ Are amazed when you see one of the lanes on the road closing and people are actually getting out of it instead of going up as far as they can to get two car lengths ahead.
~ Can get on a bus in the city and sit calmly drinking your coffee as the bus weaves dangerously close to the other cars.
~ You refuse to call the Sears Tower the "Willis Tower: – it will always be Sears to you.
Colorado and Chicago are so different. It amuses me. 😀
>"When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh."
Ugh! My best friend from Wyoming does this too me all the time! It drives me nuts!
>These are fun! You know you're from Iowa when…
You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are.
You drink "pop"
The only reason you go to Wisconsin or Missouri is to get fireworks.
You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out in March, but bundle up and complain in August when the temperature dips below 60.
Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on a highway.
Detassling was your first job.
You install security lights on your garage and house and leave both unlocked.
You end your sentences with unnecessary prepositions. Example: “Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall, I want to go with.”
School was cancelled because of cold. School was cancelled because of heat.
You know the answer to the question, "Is this heaven?"
These are also very, very true.
>I'm still laughing, Rachelle, at "hang on and watch this". A dear, dear friend recently drove me on a gravel path in the Rocky Mountains called "Fall River Road". I nearly lost my life on that road–not due to her driving. Due to me nearly stroking out in her passenger seat. My fear of heights is ridiculous–and Fall River Road is like, 150,000 feet in the air and on a continuous edge of a mountain cliff (indulge me. I'm a writer. I'm allowed to exaggerate for effect.) They don't even OPEN that road in ice–and four days after we drove it, they closed it due to snow.
Michigan jokes cannot compete with that. Oh, except that we have ski hills that are 1115 feet above sea level. BEAT THAT, Rachelle! (heehee)
>Victorians from Ausralia hate people from New South Wales!
New South Wales people hate Queenslanders!
>Lol, the problem is, most non South African's won't get this. 😛
You know you’re South African when:
* You call a bathing suit a “swimming costume”
* You call a traffic light a “robot”
* The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
* The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished watching
* You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather
* You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any
* You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
* You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela
* You go to “braais” (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors (long meaty sausage- type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously
* You know that there’s nothing to do in the Free State
* You produce a R100 note instead of your driver’s license when stopped by a traffic officer
* You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
* You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
* You can count the national soccer team’s scores with no fingers
* To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
* Hijacking cars is a profession
* You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
* The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
* More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election
* People have the most wonderful names: Chris tmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday,
Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given
* “Now now” can mean anything from a minute to a month
* You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis traveling in the opposite direction
* Traveling at 120 km/h you’re the slowest vehicle on the highway
* You’re genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it
* A bullet train is being introduced, but we can’t fix potholes
* The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
* You paint your car’s registration on the roof
* You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
* You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one
* Prisoners go on strike
* You don’t stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car
* You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
* Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high
* When 2 Afrikaans TV programs are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Zulu ad
* You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA
>So very true Rachelle! 🙂 I actually wore flip flops outside today (with my 2 feet of snow) though just to take the trash out.
>We know you are from the Pacific Northwest if…
1. You know the state flower (Mildew)
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'Walk' Signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye Salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima, and Willamette.
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark- while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by 'Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,' and 'Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.'
17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
26. You measure distance in hours.
27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a RAINcoat.
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk Season (Fall).
30. You know the difference between sprinkles, drizzle, showers, rain, and a REAL storm and you'd only consider using an umbrella for one of the five.