Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it’s just a suggestion.)
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
Do not turn upside down.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let’s experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn’t that save more time?)
On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds with colds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope.)
On artificial bacon:
Real artificial bacon bits.
(So we don’t get fake fake bacon. Oh no, we get real fake bacon.)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(Think something got lost in the translation?)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to….)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you’ve tried this.)
On a child’s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That’s right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Got anything funny to leave in the comments today? Go for it – I could use some laughs.
Have a good weekend!
P.S. This was an email-forward that my 13-year-old sent me, so I have no idea of the source or whether these are true. And the parenthetical comments came with the email.
I don’t create many responses, however after browsing a few of the responses here Friday Fun | Rachelle Gardner. I do have 2 questions for you if it’s okay. Could it be simply me or does it look as if like a few of the remarks look like they are coming from brain dead folks? 😛 And, if you are posting on additional online social sites, I would like to keep up with everything new you have to post. Would you make a list of the complete urls of your social community pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?
I usually do not drop a bunch of comments, but i did a few searching and wound up here Friday Fun | Rachelle Gardner. And I do have a couple of questions for you if you don’t mind. Could it be just me or does it seem like some of the comments look like coming from brain dead visitors? 😛 And, if you are posting on other sites, I’d like to follow anything new you have to post. Could you list of all of your shared pages like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?
I seldom drop remarks, but after reading a few of the responses here Friday Fun | Rachelle Gardner. I do have a couple of questions for you if it’s allright. Is it just me or does it appear like some of the remarks come across as if they are left by brain dead individuals? 😛 And, if you are posting on other places, I would like to keep up with you. Could you list of the complete urls of your social networking sites like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?
I tend not to write a great deal of remarks, however i did a few searching and wound up here Friday Fun | Rachelle Gardner. And I do have a couple of questions for you if you tend not to mind. Is it only me or does it appear like a few of these responses come across as if they are left by brain dead individuals? 😛 And, if you are posting on additional online sites, I’d like to follow everything new you have to post. Could you make a list of the complete urls of your social sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?
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Great post, I just added you to my bookmarks!
>I was reminded of this post yesterday. On the back of the container of liquid hand soap:
Brand name: American Fare
Small print on back label: Made in Canada
Thanks Kmart! LOL
>I was out of town this weekend and just saw this. Ironically, I found one of these last week: while opening a bottle of Midol, I happened to read the warning label, and it said, "Do not use if you have an enlarged prostate."
I immediately called my best friend to ask, "Who with a prostate is taking Midol???"
>LOL, cracked me up. Try this for a laugh, if you haven't already seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9fc-crEFDw&feature=player_embedded#at=29
>Thanks, Son, those laughs felt so Great!! And thanks, Rachelle, for passing them on. (Hope you're having a super week-end!!)
>These are great. Two of my additional favorites are:
1) I live in Florida & bought a silver reflective sunshade for the front windshield. The package instructed me to remove it before driving! duh..
2) An ad for a $300 tire in the newspaper included the helpful notation: Not actual size – as if I thought a 3-inch tall tire cost $300.
Of course, everyone goes to extremes to try to make themselves "lawsuit-proof", but honestly!!
>I've been doing ironing wrong this whole time. No wonder it hurt!
These were so much fun to read~ thanks for the smile!
>I guess I better take off my Superman costume….
>So Hemingway and Faulkner walk into a bar… 😉
>We saw some funny English translations when visiting Japan. One we enjoyed was a warning posted by our room in a traditional Japanese hotel: "In case of fire, please follow instructions and behave yourself."
>Hilarious! The only thing I can think of like that off the top of my head is the old folks home adverts up the street. 'Are you snowed in? Come and join us'
Yes I'm snowed in but a shovel is preferable to an old folks home thanks anyway 🙂
>LOL, really. My twisted humor laughed hardest at the chainssaw one.
I recently bought a coffeemaker that included this helpful advice on the troubleshooting page of the user's manual:
PROBLEM: The coffeemaker only brews water. POSSIBLE CAUSE: There are no coffee grounds in the filter basket. SOLUTION: Add the desired amt of coffee.
I feel safer knowing there are people working hard to warn us of these things.
>LOL–thanks for the Saturday morning chuckles. 🙂
>Can't resist sharing this anecdote on food labelling.
A class of convent school children were filing along the self-service line for lunch. Next to a bowl of red,shiny apples was a large notice: 'Only take ONE. Remember, God is watching.' Further along the line, next to a plate of chocolate chip cookies, another notice was propped, this time written in a childish hand: 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
>Many considerate restaurant owners in Luxor Egypt provide English menus. Sometimes hard to decipher, though. "Lamp shops". That's one of the easier ones. For lamb chops, of course.
>These are hilarious. I think my favourite is a sign at a wildlife safari park that said:
"Elephants please stay in cars."
>These are hilarious. I think my favourite is a sign at a wildlife safari park that said:
"Elephants please stay in cars."
>Where I live on the Island of Roatan, Honduras, fortunately we can get by just fine without most of the listed products. However, the one for instructions on how to eat pasta, it would have to include how to get rid of the bugs before cooking!
>I bought a swimsuit with the tag, "Do not wear in sunlight"
I can only swim at night or in winter?
>Those are hilarious – thanks! I guess I won't be heading to the top of the Calgary Tower with my Superman costume!
>On a bag of hash browns that required frequent turning: Keep covered at all times except when stirring.
>Well, Rachelle, it only took me about 4 hrs to set up a blog. Our children thought THAT was pretty funny!
>I thought those were great!
>Thanks for the giggle on a day when the news is so horrendous. Just one brief "edit" for the Swedish chainsaw comment:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(Raise your stump if you've tried this.)
>I want to know how many of these were the result of someone actually doing these.
>Growing up overseas and traveling frequently, I saw so many hilarious signs I can't even remember them all right now. But I recently saw a sign taped to a toilet in a gas station that said (complete with quote marks and comma), "Please Flush, It". It's not as funny as these, but there was enough in those three little words to make me laugh.
Also, not really instructional but funny, I saw a huge banner at one of those truck stop restaurants: "Kids With Gas Eat Free." (Hmmmm… "Show 'em what you got kids!")
Thanks for the laughs!
>I did actually see the "do not use while sleeping" on instructions for a flat iron.
>"On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)"
My college friend Theresa came to school many times with a sheepish grin and a burn scar on her neck from where she tried to iron blouse collars while wearing them. Many times.
>I laughed myself to tears. So great, Rachelle. I'll read them to my hubby.
>Love the Tiramisu one! Actually, I wonder if these prove that they didn't hire a real writer. 🙂
>Oh, I already have a job writing instructions. Sometimes the word "duh" slips in as I'm writing.
Ad shown next to search results:
Looking for infant diarrhea?
Find what you're looking for at eBay!
Guess what the search term was. (And no, we didn't find any infant diarrhea on eBay.)
>Oh that is just toooo FuNnY!! I love the Tiramisu one!! Oh what a good laugh, thanks for sharing. 🙂
>These were great. Thanks so much for sharing!
My personal favorite is the notice my parents found on a tricycle box while shopping for my three-year-old sister's birthday:
Child not included.
(Do you have one of these in blond?)
One has to wonder…
>These are hilarious! I don't have a warning like that to share, but maybe some of these were written by kids. My sister teaches K-4. This week one of her kids told her, "I wish my ears would fall off so I could eat them." Despite the warning signals going off in her head, she sighed and asked the question anyway. "Why?" He looked at her as if she were out of her mind and answered, "Because I'm hungry." Duh. Why else would you want to eat your ears?
Thanks for the comic relief on a Friday morning. Travel safe to your conference!
>Thank you so much for this! I got a good laugh out of all of these. I read them out loud to my husband as he got ready for work and it helped him wake up in a good mood =) Happy Friday!
>This post was a nice way to start the day. But really, who would do some of these crazy things? I remember reading a microwave instruction booklet that included this tidbit:
"Caution. Do not put live animals inside."
What? And I was laughing. Months later, I read about a lady who put her little dog inside a microwave to dry it. Hello?
And then she tried to sue the company? There's a set of genes that ought to go up for the Darwinian Awards.
>MY personal fave on a curling iron: Do not use internally. (Hmmm…how many people TRIED this before they were forced to put that labelling on it?)
>"H.P. Lovecraft's First Days as a Substitute Teacher at Arkham Junior High School" http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2011/3/7casey.html
>That's hilarious! Thanks for sharing.
>Thanks for the Friday morning giggle after a very long week!!
>Thanks for the laugh this morning Rachelle. Your comments were just as funny as the blurbs. Love it.
Have a great weekend!
>Unfortunately some of the warnings like "product will be hot after heating" and "Do not iron clothes on body" are there because someone did and sued the company. My husband is an engineer and often tells me about the ridiculous warnings they have to put on things because of people hurting themselves and coming after the company for money. He always says every time they build something that is idiot proof they build a better idiot.
>These are hysterical. Thanks for the laugh 🙂
>I've got nothin' – but those were hilarious!
>I can’t pick a favorite, the soap, the kitchen knife—those are all excellent! This is why I love people. Cracking up.
My fancy bathroom hand soap has horsetail and hops listed in the ingredients. I remember thinking that was funny, but that’s nothing compared to these.
Hope the conference goes well!
>My main work has been taking me to Eastern Europe since 1987. From a sign posted inside the door of a Moscow hotel room in that decade: "If this is your first trip to the Soviet Union, you're welcome to it!"
And I spotted this little gem mounted above the stool in a men's room at the airport in Istanbul, Turkey: "To help us save water, please flush twice." (Huh?)
Before I began traveling, I never realized how many frustrated comedians have ended up working as translators. 🙂
>Oddly enough, there's a TV show called "My Strange Addiction", and one of the broadcasts featured a woman who couldn't sleep without her blow dryer (running full blast!). This despite the fact that she'd burned herself at least twice. For a laugh, one of my favourite new sites is at http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com
which showcases some of the questionable corrections/substitutions made by autocorrect. Have a good day!
>I always laugh at the viagra ads that say if you get a four hour erection you should see a doctor. That would be the last place that I would go! lol
>You've just given me a really good laugh. What a lovely way to begin the day!
>They are so funny and frustratingly true! Those I can't stand are the packs of raw meat that tell you the cooking instructions are on the reverse but they mean on the reverse of the actual vacum-sealed lid – which has to be opened first to find out when to put the oven on.
Have a good weekend, Rachelle. I'm also going to a writing conference for the weekend, here in Scotland. Great to get away from the computer for a while and be with other writers.
>Something funny? If you like writing/publishing, you might like this:
It's a Family Guy episode in which the dog writes a bestseller. (Warning: some language and a sexual innuendo with a penguin)